But this is not the polite answer. Hell, you may think this isn't an answer at all, even if it is because I can't find the words to think about how I really feel or risk losing what control I have over myself and just going out to find the first person I can beat on until my arms are tired. Yes, I made the video myself and learned I both despise and enjoy making videos. It's a tribute to those days when just no one takes you seriously and with all the other little darts life sends your way you can forget that it really isn't all that bad. I haven't had any of these days spiral to this point, though I will admit to it being something I struggle with every damned day. So far I'm still standing but I'll tell you this... this person I am is not who I imagined myself being and I'm having a hell of a time reconciling the chasm between the two.
EDIT - 12/15/2011 - Sorry the video is offline, the copyright holder claimed the music back and since there isn't a song that fits the sentiments as well as the original one, I have decided not to reupload it.
|You Scored as Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)
You are leery of your surroundings, and with good reason. Anyone could be a cylon. But you have close friends and you know they would never hurt you. Now if only the damn XO would stop drinking.
I have all kinds of worry about this but I'm trying to not let it get to me. Trying and not really succeeding as you can tell. I never was much good at waiting.
MUCH LATER EDIT - Both of them came through it fine, though one was without power longer than the other. Still spent a lot of time worried on this end though and hope it doesn't happen again.
( ... I think I'm still trying to figure this crap out ... )
( And for my friend, this short message. )
( Also, there will be no NaNoWriMo this year. )
"You're too much like me Frank - you can't stand labels. Someone tries to put me in a box, I just naturally want out." ~ Abby St. James to Frank Leo from the TV series The Bridge
I keep checking and there keeps being no messages.
I feel forlorn and forgotten, and though I probably deserve the silent treatment, I still hurt.
Nothing to do but carry on.
( Read more... )
Ugh... I will finish this later.
Long story sideways, my skinny coworker shot himself in the foot and is now gone. Permanently.
Good fucking riddance.
I was at home, preparing for another day that was delayed because of an early dental appointment, blissfully unaware of how life was about to change. As I did every morning, I turned on the television to find out what had gone on in the world overnight....
( After that it's all just flashes.... snippets of memory. )
Ten years since the world shifted irreparably for me and changed the person I was, for the better and for the worse.
Ten long years to heal.
I will never, can never, forget.
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
Smile, possibly nod awkwardly, then very deliberately close the door.
That part of my life is long past and while what I have now may be far from perfect, I'll take it over a dream that never was.