the_goren_show: (Default)
"I've never really understood the appeal of these MMORPGs myself but then I hate people enough in the real world let alone bothering to enter a second made up universe to learn to despise them all over again."  Charlie Brooker's Gameswipe

I have been introduced to Charlie Brooker and have been watching all his videos on Youtube and basically laughing myself stupid.  He's acerbic and not politically correct in any way and pretty much smack on with his commentary on the idiocy in society.  He's not quite as much a hero as George Carlin, but I've only just discovered him.  If you want a good introduction that's clean (some of his skits aren't safe for virgin ears) then try this one and move on to his rants on US TV, Aspirational TV, and the American News Media.

I was working my way through his Gameswipe when I hit the comment above.  I laughed until my ribs hurt, then replayed it to transcribe it because it pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about the RP world right now.

On my interest in RP. )
EDIT:  After being assured by the mod it wasn't anything I had done to make myself a pariah, I come online tonight (Saturday after I posted this original rant) to find all kinds of new threads active and alive.  None involving my character or a place where they might jump into the fray mind you, but there is RP... just not for me.   FML
the_goren_show: (facepalm)
That there be one... just ONE... RP promoting community out there that has nothing to do with Glee, Harry Potter, Supernatural or any of the other raging fandoms?

There are those of us who don't want to play those, ya know?

This rant brought to you by a month of hanging out on InsaneJournal looking for a place to tag with an OC and a long dead fandom.
the_goren_show: (sigh)

and two steps back.

I don't want to go into why yet, but this is exactly how I feel right now.

The joy of my NaNo win lasted all of a half hour before life reared up and kicked me in the ribs again.

Then again, joy really has always just been a placeholder between tragedies for me.

Fuck my life.
the_goren_show: (
I write, except when I don't.  To be more specific, I role play in text based games, both as part of a group and one on one.  The RP doesn't much bug me, it's my way of parsing my world and dealing with things and I've never questioned it.  It is just a part of me to let out the voices in a safe place.  (And yes, I am aware of how insane that makes me sound.  Just wait, naysayer, it gets better for you ahead.)  

Lately, I've lost a lot of my RP stomping grounds, both in terms of group places and single players.  One was by choice and I was the one who pulled the plug because it was undeniably time to let the board sleep with its dignity intact, however shabby.  The others have been incidental losses, where any number of my favorite long term RP writing partners have been called back to serve in Real Life.  That's not unheard of and while it can really hurt for a bit when someone does that, I try and be philosophical about it.  They've found something in RL that makes them happy, so I will be happy for them for that reason because RL > RP, always.

Turns out, I've been pretty lucky in my RP life.  Most of the people I've RPed with were mature enough to know when to pull the plug on the game and tell me about it honestly.  They didn't come in every few days to tell me how bad life was or how busy they were and if they weren't so tired, they'd love to RP.  They didn't plot with me about storylines they knew they would never be able to play out.  They didn't rave about the story we were writing in game or the characters and how much they loved and missed them.  They didn't then go and disappear for three weeks before rinsing and repeating the whole process.

This person did and like a fool I swallowed it hook line and sinker because I had already lost so much RP-wise.  The last conversation I had with this woman, she told me things were calming down and then plotted with me about what came next in our story and let me get really excited that this would actually happen.  In fact, the last thing she said to me verbatim from the messenger client about our RP.  "I swear to you, come hell or high water, we are picking up next week. We have to. It is killing me!"

Three weeks later... I almost hope she's dead because I continue to refuse to believe that she would put me through this hell.

I am mentally blocked for writing.  I can't seem to write anything, including this journal entry which has taken me days to try and put together coherently.  My confidence in my abillity to write, battered already by the death of the RP board, is on life support with one toe in the grave.  I'm torn between missing an amazing RP partner and wishing her ill.  She gutted the story and, to some extent, me as storyteller by breaking my heart for the game because she didn't have the decency to just out and tell me "Look, you're a good friend but my RL needs me more right now."

I could have accepted that.  It would have been bitter sweet but hey, I've been there before a time or two. 

After six weeks of this (three before the it's killing me and three after), I'm tired of sitting around waiting for her to come back, so I'm going to call this RP dead too and chalk it up in the books as called for lack of honesty.  I think I can save the character with a reboot back to where he was because, honestly, I feel right there with him - kicked to the curb like I was worthless.
the_goren_show: (listening)
It's done... the end of the forum has been announced and while I know it's the right thing I feel torn.

Turn down the music, turn up the lights, it's closing time.

I'll be the last one out and I'll be sure to turn off all the lights but for that one little one to shine on the memories.


Aug. 10th, 2010 10:47 pm
the_goren_show: (sigh)
I don't even know where to begin with this one.  It's been bugging me for a while now but I've been trying to ignore the problem.  Sadly, the problem is me.  I have Admin/mod burnout.

I have helped run an X-Men forum for a few years now.  It's had its ups and down, its dramas, its great writers, its Mary Sue/Gary Stu's, its moments of shame and sorrow, and through it all a strong focus on story that made me damned proud to be a part of it.  Now, I sit here and watch it slowly waste away because of a case of benign neglect on my part.  I want to make it live, I do.  I just don't have the mental strength to carry on with the plotting I need to do as an Admin right now and I'm not sure I'll ever get the joy back.

The board was great and it doesn't deserve to die this lingering death and yet, I just can't seem to pull the plug on it.  There are too many great memories here and I fought for this place, clawed tooth and nail to make it work... and when it worked, damn it was amazing.  I still can't believe that I was part of something that fucking good.

The biggest part of this is because I have been lucky enough to have as Admins other writers who were able to plot with and push me to heights I probably didn't deserve to soar in.  The other part of it was probably hubris on our parts as Admins.  We were elitist and it worked for a while, but it's not working anymore.  That much I know from watching the activity on the board slowly die off like flowers touched by frost.

I keep trying to breathe new life into the embers but there aren't the writers there once were on the board to pull in other good writers.  Real life has taken some of them and some have wandered off to other fandoms and after a week or so, I lose my impetus and it goes fallow again and each time, a little more of the joy bleeds away.  I don't have the energy to go recruiting or wade through apps and I'm not sure with all the new fandoms that we'd be able to find anyone anyway.

I don't want to disappoint the few writers that are left, but honestly, I know I am just by letting it wither away.  If I can't save the board or reboot it somehow without losing so much of the good we had, I owe it to what it was once to pull the plug.  So, I know what I have to do, it's just that I can't imagine my world without it and that's what's making me the bad mod.

Mea culpa.
the_goren_show: (Default)
Once in a long while, if you are extremely lucky, you will stumble across an amazing RPer who not only keeps up with you but pushes you to be more than you could ever have been as a lone writer.  These people are rare to find and when you do find them, you need to cherish every moment with them because eventually RL needs them back.   Then, there's nothing else you can do but wish them the best as they set off on the greatest adventure of all.

So, Erica, thank you for your patience, your friendship, your amazing story telling ability, your slightly off-kilter sense of humour - which is always a plus when dealing with me, I'm told.  Thank you for just being there when life kicked me to the point all I wanted to do was sit in silence.  Thank you for waiting when I was writing novels, sometimes unnecessarily, in response to your posts.  Thank you for the *hugs* when I needed them... and for the boots to the head when they were needed too.  Thank you for all the little things I can't quite quantify in words but can only feel. 

Most of all, my friend, thank you for raising me up on your shoulders to levels of writing and storycraft I never knew I was capable of reaching and for always being my friend along the journey.  I hope that every now and then, RL lets you go long enough to come sit a while with me in the virtual world.

All the best and all my love until we meet again.

(Cross-posted from [ profile] good_rpers_rock)


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