the_goren_show: (serious muse)
Like most people, I get asked everyday how I am and, again like most people, I have a tendency to give the answer of least resistance - usually something like "I'm great, how are you?" or if I'm feeling like trying to be funny "Still kicking, just not as high." - because being asked how you are isn't carte blanche to go into the deep dark crudded over bits of your life that are plaguing you.  "How are you?" is a polite conversation starter before the kick in the teeth in most cases in my work life and I do what is expected of me and give the polite answer 99 out of 100 times.  Nobody, as I read somewhere or other, likes a morbid bastard.



But this is not the polite answer.  Hell, you may think this isn't an answer at all, even if it is because I can't find the words to think about how I really feel or risk losing what control I have over myself and just going out to find the first person I can beat on until my arms are tired.  Yes, I made the video myself and learned I both despise and enjoy making videos.  It's a tribute to those days when just no one takes you seriously and with all the other little darts life sends your way you can forget that it really isn't all that bad.  I haven't had any of these days spiral to this point, though I will admit to it being something I struggle with every damned day.  So far I'm still standing but I'll tell you this... this person I am is not who I imagined myself being and I'm having a hell of a time reconciling the chasm between the two.

EDIT - 12/15/2011 - Sorry the video is offline, the copyright holder claimed the music back and since there isn't a song that fits the sentiments as well as the original one, I have decided not to reupload it.

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the_goren_show

December 2011

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