They don't understand you....
Nov. 25th, 2011 04:44 amLike most people, I get asked everyday how I am and, again like most people, I have a tendency to give the answer of least resistance - usually something like "I'm great, how are you?" or if I'm feeling like trying to be funny "Still kicking, just not as high." - because being asked how you are isn't carte blanche to go into the deep dark crudded over bits of your life that are plaguing you. "How are you?" is a polite conversation starter before the kick in the teeth in most cases in my work life and I do what is expected of me and give the polite answer 99 out of 100 times. Nobody, as I read somewhere or other, likes a morbid bastard.
But this is not the polite answer. Hell, you may think this isn't an answer at all, even if it is because I can't find the words to think about how I really feel or risk losing what control I have over myself and just going out to find the first person I can beat on until my arms are tired. Yes, I made the video myself and learned I both despise and enjoy making videos. It's a tribute to those days when just no one takes you seriously and with all the other little darts life sends your way you can forget that it really isn't all that bad. I haven't had any of these days spiral to this point, though I will admit to it being something I struggle with every damned day. So far I'm still standing but I'll tell you this... this person I am is not who I imagined myself being and I'm having a hell of a time reconciling the chasm between the two.
EDIT - 12/15/2011 - Sorry the video is offline, the copyright holder claimed the music back and since there isn't a song that fits the sentiments as well as the original one, I have decided not to reupload it.
But this is not the polite answer. Hell, you may think this isn't an answer at all, even if it is because I can't find the words to think about how I really feel or risk losing what control I have over myself and just going out to find the first person I can beat on until my arms are tired. Yes, I made the video myself and learned I both despise and enjoy making videos. It's a tribute to those days when just no one takes you seriously and with all the other little darts life sends your way you can forget that it really isn't all that bad. I haven't had any of these days spiral to this point, though I will admit to it being something I struggle with every damned day. So far I'm still standing but I'll tell you this... this person I am is not who I imagined myself being and I'm having a hell of a time reconciling the chasm between the two.
EDIT - 12/15/2011 - Sorry the video is offline, the copyright holder claimed the music back and since there isn't a song that fits the sentiments as well as the original one, I have decided not to reupload it.
Cynical much?
Nov. 12th, 2011 10:00 pmLink to quiz - Which SciFi Crew Would You Best Fit In With
You Scored as Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) You are leery of your surroundings, and with good reason. Anyone could be a cylon. But you have close friends and you know they would never hurt you. Now if only the damn XO would stop drinking.
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Waiting and Worrying
Oct. 31st, 2011 01:15 pmSo two of my good friends are without power with all the rest on the US Eastern Seaboard and I'm worrying about them being warm enough and having enough to eat. I know they're both okay and hope that the power is back on soon for them but the waiting to confirm what I know is difficult. I just have to have faith that they will be alright and will let me know when they are back.
I have all kinds of worry about this but I'm trying to not let it get to me. Trying and not really succeeding as you can tell. I never was much good at waiting.
MUCH LATER EDIT - Both of them came through it fine, though one was without power longer than the other. Still spent a lot of time worried on this end though and hope it doesn't happen again.
I have all kinds of worry about this but I'm trying to not let it get to me. Trying and not really succeeding as you can tell. I never was much good at waiting.
MUCH LATER EDIT - Both of them came through it fine, though one was without power longer than the other. Still spent a lot of time worried on this end though and hope it doesn't happen again.
(no subject)
Oct. 29th, 2011 12:07 pm( ... I think I'm still trying to figure this crap out ... )
( And for my friend, this short message. )
( Also, there will be no NaNoWriMo this year. )
"You're too much like me Frank - you can't stand labels. Someone tries to put me in a box, I just naturally want out." ~ Abby St. James to Frank Leo from the TV series The Bridge
Vacation Hijinks 2011
Sep. 18th, 2011 04:18 amSo to make a long story short... I went on vacation in Drumheller for a couple of days. I drove out, booked a room with a Jacuzzi and hauled a troublemaker along with me. I completed a friend's challenge, had a lot of fun, spent some money and recharged. Life is good! Below is the story of the proof of my insanity.
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
Writer's Block: 9/11
Sep. 11th, 2011 01:37 pm[Error: unknown template qotd]
I was at home, preparing for another day that was delayed because of an early dental appointment, blissfully unaware of how life was about to change. As I did every morning, I turned on the television to find out what had gone on in the world overnight....
( After that it's all just flashes.... snippets of memory. )
I was at home, preparing for another day that was delayed because of an early dental appointment, blissfully unaware of how life was about to change. As I did every morning, I turned on the television to find out what had gone on in the world overnight....
( After that it's all just flashes.... snippets of memory. )
I will never forget
Sep. 11th, 2011 12:43 amTen years already since I stood looking up fearfully at silent skies with the images of the choice between the devil and the deep blue sea seared into my brain.
Ten years since the world shifted irreparably for me and changed the person I was, for the better and for the worse.
Ten long years to heal.
I will never, can never, forget.
Ten years since the world shifted irreparably for me and changed the person I was, for the better and for the worse.
Ten long years to heal.
I will never, can never, forget.
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
There IS a place
Aug. 3rd, 2011 01:00 amI'm trying to be strong and it's not easy. This song is one of my favourites when I feel like this.
( Lyrics under cut )