It's a Rich Man's World

I work with very affluent people in a sort of post-modern servant's role - they like to claim I'm not a servant and I get paid peanuts for the priviledge of putting up with them and their complaints while playing the bad guy to those that break the rules.  The rules... so many rules.

( More money than sense.... )

I'm a toothless dog really.  One day I'm going to lose it on someone like that airline employee did but I doubt very much I will have any support when I snap.  They still euthanize dogs no one wants you see.

S.O.S.

I don't even know where to begin with this one.  It's been bugging me for a while now but I've been trying to ignore the problem.  Sadly, the problem is me.  I have Admin/mod burnout.

I have helped run an X-Men forum for a few years now.  It's had its ups and down, its dramas, its great writers, its Mary Sue/Gary Stu's, its moments of shame and sorrow, and through it all a strong focus on story that made me damned proud to be a part of it.  Now, I sit here and watch it slowly waste away because of a case of benign neglect on my part.  I want to make it live, I do.  I just don't have the mental strength to carry on with the plotting I need to do as an Admin right now and I'm not sure I'll ever get the joy back.

The board was great and it doesn't deserve to die this lingering death and yet, I just can't seem to pull the plug on it.  There are too many great memories here and I fought for this place, clawed tooth and nail to make it work... and when it worked, damn it was amazing.  I still can't believe that I was part of something that fucking good.

The biggest part of this is because I have been lucky enough to have as Admins other writers who were able to plot with and push me to heights I probably didn't deserve to soar in.  The other part of it was probably hubris on our parts as Admins.  We were elitist and it worked for a while, but it's not working anymore.  That much I know from watching the activity on the board slowly die off like flowers touched by frost.

I keep trying to breathe new life into the embers but there aren't the writers there once were on the board to pull in other good writers.  Real life has taken some of them and some have wandered off to other fandoms and after a week or so, I lose my impetus and it goes fallow again and each time, a little more of the joy bleeds away.  I don't have the energy to go recruiting or wade through apps and I'm not sure with all the new fandoms that we'd be able to find anyone anyway.

I don't want to disappoint the few writers that are left, but honestly, I know I am just by letting it wither away.  If I can't save the board or reboot it somehow without losing so much of the good we had, I owe it to what it was once to pull the plug.  So, I know what I have to do, it's just that I can't imagine my world without it and that's what's making me the bad mod.

Mea culpa.